I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
