if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
