i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
