their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
