loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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