apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
