ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
