One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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