there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My nipple is on Facebook.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize