Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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