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He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
