nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
