Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I checked into jail on foursquare
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
