I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The uberlube is also flammable
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
