I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize