walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
