I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
