we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
