i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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