a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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