dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
