I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
