I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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