Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
