I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
