Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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