This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
