I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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