why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
