Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Is it penis luge time yet?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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