I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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