Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
