my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
