I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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