Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
