Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
