shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize