I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
