Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
