So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she peed on how many people?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
