you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
