so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
