I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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