I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
