Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
vagina is talking i cant
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
