thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i think i just lost a toe
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize