i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I didn't notice because vodka
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
