oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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