I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize