oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
