I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize