So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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