oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
