Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
