Christians are straight up FREAKS
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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