The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
