On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
