I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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