apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
