You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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