Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
