One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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