Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
