dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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