I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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