Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
