i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
