Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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