So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
