You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
