Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize