Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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