Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your shirt... Was in my pants
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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