That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
