...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
