You're so nebulous sometimes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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