I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
