We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
