Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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