The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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