i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Enjoy the penises
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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