what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So much Jack, so little girl.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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