Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
