i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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