just come out here and I will go home with you...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
