So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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