Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
