at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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