I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
