wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
