The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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