Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
