I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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