We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
