We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
