White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
