I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
